A Need-to-Know Basis – Why some Details are Unnecessary
The other day when I was done talking loudly [yelling] about something…
[Hmmm. I can’t remember what? Maybe it was finding that pile of homework my son never handed in, stuffed in his backpack? Wait no, I think it was when my daughter wouldn’t stop “playing” that d*%n recorder? (Let’s not call it music. It’s a series of migraine-causing toots that turn your entire body into a bundle of raw nerves. Torture–Guantanamo Bay style.) Or…maybe it was the kids’–being disruptive while I was trying to concentrate on my next triple word score in Words with Friends?]
…Well, no matter, when I was done talking loudly, my son calmly said, “Hey mom, is it the third week of the month? Because I’ve noticed that your yelling really ramps up around the third week of the month. Just wondered why?” Proud of my perceptive young lad, I replied, “Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.” [You don’t really think I said that do you? Yoda said it…in Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones.]
The rest of our conversation actually went something like this: “Really? This is what you notice? Not the pile of homework in your bag? Not the smell emanating from the pile of dirty clothes on your floor? Well, yes, it is the third week of the month and I am actually more cranky than usual. But do you really want to know why? It has to do with human reproduction, hormones and a lot of stuff that you don’t need to know this week, this month or even this year. It’s likely that you will be grossed out because you are not quite ready to process all the information I would need to tell you.”
At some point during my speech he got bored and said, “Never mind I don’t really want to know right now.” [Whew! Crisis averted…for now.] While he was walking away, I decided to offer a few last words of advice…
“Hey, stop asking what Tampax are for. I’ll tell you when its time.”
“And, for the tenth time, pick up all those stinkin’, dirty clothes off the floor!”
“And for your own survival, in the future, never point out to any woman which weeks of the month she may or may not be cranky.”
“Also, when talking to any female, ‘Look eye, always look eye.’” [The wisdom of Mr. Miyagi almost always applies.]
About the Author
Paula Libbey spent 10 years working as a copywriter in the publishing and advertising industries in New Jersey. While her career dream was to tour with a rock band as a backup singer, her severe tone deafness forced her to consider the next logical option–writing taglines and marketing materials. After moving to the Twin Cities in 2001, Paula decided she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. While nearly losing her mind on many occasions, life with her now 8-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter; husband Bill, Sam the basset hound, and Lil’ Bill the hermit crab, continues to provide unimaginable joys and challenges.
